Can I Just…?

Hi. Me again. Yes, it’s been awhile. I will admit to a bit of paralysis over this project. Oh, I’ve been working on it. I have the introductory posts about each of the pillars mapped out and ready to post. Then I froze.

Are you sensing a theme?

This project won’t leave me alone. I keep thinking about it. I keep hoping to get the urge to sit down and face this screen again. It never came.

Last night, I visited the Facebook page of my friend, Michael. He passed away in December, unexpectedly. He made a huge impact on my life. I knew him only online. We met on Twitter in 2008 and talked on an almost daily basis with our friend, B. In 2019, we all met in Las Vegas. For two days, we hung out and just enjoyed finally putting the faces to the pixels. We hugged and I loved spending time with people who just got me.

Last night, I saw his name on my Facebook page, so I clicked. For whatever reason, I found myself on his About tab. I wasn’t looking for anything except whatever memories he had left behind, his beloved pets, his snarky analysis on the politics of the day. He included several quotes that just totally encapsulated who he was and then my eyes fell to the last one. Tears fell from my eyes as I read,

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
smiles when sadness intrudes,
rainbows to follow the clouds,
laughter to kiss your lips,
sunsets to warm your heart,
hugs when spirits sag,
beauty for your eyes to see,
friendships to brighten your being,
faith so that you can believe,
confidence for when you doubt,
courage to know yourself,
patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have felt his death deeply and I have struggled to find a new normal without his snarky texts. In that moment, I felt like he was talking directly to me, encouraging me to move on, to finally move on.

Today I was inspired to return to this space. I have the opportunity to build the life I want, an opportunity that Michael no longer has. Once again, he helped me smile when sadness intruded, his friendship brightened my being. Now I need to find the confidence when I doubt, courage to know myself, and sunsets to warm my heart.